The divorce

Eventually all of the things that had happened, along with my father’s coming out, had resulted in my parents deciding to get a divorce. My mother moved out, got benefits and a rental home, taking me with her. My father remained behind in their old marital home, not too far from where my mother had her new home. My father intended to remain living there until the house was sold, so he could then move back to the city where he was born and grew up.

Once the divorce was final, they had set up an arrangement for me to see my father, but especially in the beginning I found it all very difficult and I did not relly want to go see my father unless my mother would be there with me (please bear in mind I was only three and a half years old at the time of the divorce), so that was how I spent time with my father. Until he sold the house (with loss) and then moved back to the city where he was rooted.

My mother had full custody at this point and they agreed that ever other weekend my father would pick me up to spend the weekend with him at his home. In this time I also started attending playschool, advised by the Doctor, because I needed the social interaction with other kids in preparation for Elementary school.

As I grew up and I became more aware of the situation, it soon proved that I did not take the divorce situation very well. I loved my father and I missed him when he had taken me back to my mother. I was a real daddy’s girl. Soon enough this resulted in me having complete meltdowns as I watched my father drive off after he had dropped me back off with my mother. My mother’s response to these emotional overloads were to throw me in the bathtub and put the cold shower on me untill I was a sobbing, quivering, wet pile of misery, curled up in the corner of the tub. I am not sure what she thought that this would achieve, but I think me becoming scared of her already started back then.

After some years my mother met a new man. He was quite a few years older than her and while he at first seemed nice and put in the effort of winning me over to impress my mother, he later proved to be one of my biggest abusers. But I will write about that in my next post.

Please feel free to ask any questions or share your thoughts about this post in the comments or to reach out via the contact form!

Untill the next post!

Love
From a Healing Mom